Dari and G Man in North America

So it's been snowing here in Calgary since Sunday, and temps haven't gotten warmer than -5 Celcius since then.

Things are really dangerous out there - 114 accidents on Sunday alone, one right in front of us. It's so funny, it happens in slomo as your car slides on the icy roads and there's fokol you can do until you hit the car in front of you! And saw at least half a dozen people see their arses on the sidewalk - that's also hilarious - until it happens to you though!

But never in my life have I seen anything like this - this actually happened yesterday. Herman and I standing were outside having a smoke, when all of a sudden there's this crashing thud about a metre to Herman's left, followed by shatterings of ice along the paving! We fucken haul ass outta there, and check above where we were standing - whole blocks of ice are frozen on the roof above us, obviously they were melting and beginning to fall!

Imagine that, freak death by falling block of ice! That's one for the papers... Well they put this sign out this morning!

We arrived in Boston at about 2am after our delayed flight. Our apartment building is right in the middle of the city. To the left of us is China town and to the right is one of the main streets. Rob has a great view of the only strip club in Boston (Centrefolds) and I have a view of buildings, lots of buildings.

Our apartments are pretty jacked and they include everything, from a dishwasher to a tumble dryer (recently mastered) to a fridge with and ice machine to cable TV with about a billion channels including view on demand which is a whole bunch of shows and movies we can watch when we want. I have watched about 7 episodes of CSI: Miami - Horatio is my hero.

So here are some pics:



The lounge and the living room (combined).



My bedroom (with walk in closet) and the view from the lounge.



The gym and the pool.

So Rob and I hit the shops last week Saturday to see the town.
We had breakfast at Wendy's - it was OK. Better than Mickey D's.
I had a cheeseburger and asked for chips and they almost gave me Lay's - Slang lesson 1 - chips are fries.



I bought a trenchcoat for work and some Levis which were on sale at Macy's. When stuff goes on sale here it stays on sale till its sold - pretty cool.
The city is full of people in the streets and is busy all day and night.

Rob and I met up with Wendy (also from SA) and hit a bar in town called Kitty O' Shea's. Pretty cool, it was a $5 cover and beers were only $2. Cheap in these parts.



We woke the following morning and met Rob (no. 2) from SA and his friend Niall and went down to Quincy Market. Such a great place. It is like a massive market with tons of small restaurants to eat at, with hot meals that you dont have to make yourself, which is what im used to! We had lunch at a place called Dick's Last resort... the food was OK, the owner was a dick.



We also went to Rob's apartment and check how great his view is...



So after lunch is where the start of our continuing problem began. Shopping for food.
Unfortunately there are no Spar's or Pick n Pay's in town. Just small 7-11's and CVfreakinS's. So we dropped a 100 at them both and ended up with nothing much to show for it...



Which lead to our first homemade dinner...



Monday morning we headed for the office which is about a 10 minute walk from home, and 20 minutes on the first day after getting lost. The office is in a 15 story building in the centre of the financial district and it is pretty pimpin. Its very quiet inside, unlike in P-Town where the office had a bit more life to it.

Here is the common area on the 15th and the front of the building...



The building has a great view. This one is of the harbour with the airport behind it and of the streets below. You can see there are renovations being done, this is called the "big dig" which was one of the most expensive city change in the US where they took away the elevated highway which was running through town and put it underground. You can see the streets going under...



So we spent the first week getting admin done and training done. Got new cellphones and social security numbers. We also had a work Halloween party which was great (we went as sumo wrestlers), i have put 2 of these pics in the gallery, but I will make a post about it when we get sent all the pics from the office. Also check out the gallery for some other cool pics.

Stay tuned for scenes from my next episode.

Update: Fixed your pictures. But listen, I'm not Big Rache, I'm not here to clean up your mess!

Friday, 27 October 2006

Halloween isn't nearly as big here, as it is in the States. In Denver, we even had Halloween parties in the office. Or maybe Calgary is just too much of a sleepy town. I know G and Rob had a crazy Halloween, so stay tuned for that.

There were no real major parties going down, nothing. And that is what made the weekend fucked up. So we just randomised to our local pub where we friends with some real nice people, who've invited us for a weekend to the cabin in the mountains. Score! And then I got harassed by an old, demented and serial-killer like old man who wanted to wear my face for Halloween...

Saturday, 28 October 2006

The second fucked up incident of the weekend was the fact that we woke up at 07h30 (that gave us 4 hours sleep), to play golf. Apparently, the max temp was set to be 17C. By 8am, the temps were still at a crazy -5C!!!!

Check the frost and ice on the course. Naturally, I wasn't pleased. BTW, that's four layers of clothing on top and two on the bottom. Ever worn a snow parka to golf?


Senior meteorologist, Mike Mills, or whoever seriously fucked up, or at least pulled off the prank of the century, cos temps were below zero the entire day!!!! Dude, you pissed a lot of golfers off today!

It turned out the big Halloween parties were happening on Saturday night. But we had already accepted an invite to Farid's birthday - Grick food at Manie's on 17th. Farid is from Kenya - and his wife Narmin works with us. And they're like our new best friends, and the ONLY people from work to have offered to drive us around and take us out to the cool places. And they're muchos funny! Shame, all the Canadians had to listen to dodgy stories of Kenya and Safrica that only we thought were funny!

So this is Narmin getting licked by Farid. And their friends Sharoz and her husband, but I can't remember his name.


Sunday, 29 October 2006

I woke up this morning, and realised that it was an hour earlier than what my watch(es) said - I am now the proud owner a couple watches. Apparently at midnight, the clocks were turned back an hour.

And yet more fucked up-ness... when I looked outside - snow. As pretty as newly fallen snow is, from now on, it's only downhill from now - cold temps right through to when we leave.

It's too cold to type, and I'm sure you all hating reading so much, so here's my story in pictures...

Jadey-Poo, if you still can't see my pictures then this post is gonna make fokol sense! Or click here to see the gallery.

And how to carve a jack-o-lantern, by Dari Dawg, circa 2005.

So all the secondees left Chicago, in a bus, heading for the Q Centre just about 50 min out of town. This was the first time that we got to see some of the suburbs during the day, and they are exactly like the movies.

For example:



The houses are all pretty massive, but they are made out of wood, and they all have Halloween decorations outside and a 'hot tub' in the 'backyard'. They are all pretty similar, but the great thing was that none of them had security fences, gates or even walls (besides the white/brown pickets). There is just green everywhere, we drove past a couple of golf courses which would put PCC to shame on a bad day.

We also passed a "Gentlemen's Club" which reminded me if home!



So we eventually arrived at the Q Centre which is absolutely massive. It can hold up to 2000 guests and has 2 clubs, a miniature golf course, sports fields, a fitness centre, a games room and everything else you can imagine.
This is at the reception area:



This is the dam with the clubhouse on the left where the bar and clubs are:



So we had training all day (from 8 till 6) which was long and more boring than watching paint dry. But the cool thing was that when it came to meals, the yanks didn't hold out. There must have been about 20 different dishes to try all buffet (pronounced: buff - it) and there was every type of food you could imagine, from stir-fly to hamburgers to sushi to turkey to a stir-flied turkeyburger made of sushi. There was even a soft serve machine (no pink - only choc and white) with all the toppings including crushed M&M's. Then there is the 'soda' fountain, which is in all take-aways here. It is basically a coke machine and you pour yourself any flavour of any drink as much as you can drink - large is a 1 litre! We even had Haggen Dazs (or however it is spelt) ice cream fridges for tea time.

Besides the eating there was another big first for Robbie and myself… washing. Yes, I haven't washed before (thanks Rach) and it wasn’t that bad. We argued for about 15-20minutes on if the shirt was supposed to go with the whites or the colours, but besides that we managed. We even tumble-dryed - big steps!

So we had a few big nights at the local club - nothing great. The beer that they serve is mostly Miller Light (not that you would say so) and Sam Addams, which both taste pretty crap but they were on special ($8 for a pitcher - 2litres). On the last night we were there we caught a yellow school bus to a club called " The Cadillac Ranch", I so regret not taking my camera because it could have been Drop Zone 6000km's away. Ok, maybe not that bad, maybe Recess. But it was a fun experience, Rob and I ended up doing a Karaoke duo in the early hours of the morning - I think it was U2?

I had to take a pic with the view from our training room cause I basically stared at it all day (I can tell you how many leaves on each tree). It is fairly beautiful out here at this time of year.



So we left training in a stretched limo, like pimps... Accounting pimps. Here is a picture of the limo, and a picture of me getting used to the future.



So overall the training was fun, we ended up waiting at the airport for 4 hours due to another delayed flight, but eventually borded and landed in Boston at about 2 in the morning waited another 45 minutes for our bags and headed off to our apartments.

The moral I got out of the training week was, "Wash your pants inside out so you don't get those little white things on them that take forever to pick off."

If you've read this and want to leave a comment please click on the blue 'comment' below and leave a message.

Check out the Picassa Gallery for more pics and stay tuned for scenes from my next episode.

So after a day delay due to "technical problems" Rob and myself left Jhb (O.R. Tambo/father of people of the south) International airport for a greuling 19 hour flight to Washinton DC. The flight was damn long and I must have watched at least 6 movies (including Nacho Libre twice - lovin Jack Black)and eaten at least 6 packets of peanuts. Eventually we landed in Washington (after a stop over in Dakar which looks like Mozambique but poorer)and we had to stay in a Holiday Inn for the night before flying off again (3 hours later) to Chicago.

Eventually 2 days late we landed in Chicago and hit the office for training and then headed off to the "Hard Rock Hotel" to drop off our bags and hit the town. That night we deshtroyed the Hunt Club and Mc Faddens and ended up eating Subway (new replacement for Boerie rolls) at about 4 in the morning.

Woke up and hit the town, and now as you all have been wondering, the story becomes illustrated because I finally bought a camera (such a great deal at Radioshack).

The Hard Rock Hotel:


We started off with the tourist ride on a ferry up the river which was awesome. The city is amazing. The buildings are massive and pimpin' unlike the Tshwane city centre. To work in the cities here is the place to be unlike back at home.

View of Lake Michigan and the Chicago river (looks like the sea doesn't it!):


So the HIGHlight of the boat trip had to be the Sears tower:


and of course the new TRUMP tower which is in the centre of town (with Trump written all over it, which will be the 2nd highest tower in the city when it is done):


We then went to the Navy Pier which is like a huge carnival on the Pier. Rob and I made some new friends:


That evening we hit the Hancock tower and had a $7 beer (R 56) beer at the "Signature Room" on the 95th floor. It tasted like beer.



The Sunday morning we decided to find the famous "silver bean" so we caught a cab from the hotel to Millenium Park. Little did we know it was about a block away and the cab drive cost us $5. I now know exactly where millenium park is.

It was worth the $5 cause the bean was good for the heart:


The city in the bean & the bean taking a photo of us!


Millenium park was also pretty grand:



Then there was the changing faces water fall (the face actually blinks and looks like Steve):



Chicago was awesome and it was a pity we where only there 2 days.
Sunday lunch time we left for training at the Q Centre about 40minutes out of Chicago.

Check out my Picassa gallery for more great pictures.

Stay tuned for scenes from my next episode.

...and counting.

Hard to believe it's been one month since we last deshtroyed Manhattan with a couple running-man dance-offs. One month since I last took Brian's and/or Martin's and/or Joel's cash on the course. One month since I drove a car... on the left side of the road. One month since I last had to put up with Judge's and Pot's abuse. One month since I chowed braai'd chiggen...

It's even harder to believe that it's been one month since I was given a day and a half to shut up and ship out here to Canadia. With nothing but my snow parka on my back, 55 kilos of luggage, one set of golf clubs, a thousand dollars U.S. in my pocket and a box of Rooibos tea, I made my way to this side of the Atlantic. How was I going to survive for four and a half months in freezing Calagary, I did not know?

My mind was plagued with bad thoughts and what to expect, if my stint in Denver was anything to go by - until my chauffeur-driven limo delivered me to fully paid for downtown apartment. That was real nice. And then my "welcome to Calgary" consultant introduced me to my banker who gave me my bank details - salary and allowance already deposited. Doubly nice. And then the HR people showed me to my office and introduced as "manager". Triply nice. And then G Man and Boston Rob arrived, and we planned the most international-ChumpStyle-machete-deshtroyer December holiday ever. EVER!

And since then, things have been going well. Met some cool people (and by people I mean chicks. And by cool I mean hot), been to some beautiful places, done some crazy-mad shopping, completed some good work for my client and played some really good golf (this is by far the most important criteria on which the success of this stint here will be measured). Which means it's been good so far. Then again, this is Canadia, how bad can things be, eh? Apart from the fact that they finish all their sentences with, "Eh?", eh?

Let's hope the next three and a half months are just as good.

PS. Judge, kindly do not wish any bad luck upon me. Thanking you in advance.

Attachment: Email to the peeps!

I've decided to grow my hair. New country - new hair. Actually, cold country - more hair. So my hair's been a bit bushy the past couple weeks, so I decided it was time for a trim. Please hold back the laughter until I'm done.

So we book appointments at the hairdresser just around the corner for last Saturday, just cos its close, and I walk by everyday and it looks decent.

So we walk in, only to see two Black dudes (otherwise known as African Canadians) reading the Canadian equivalents of Bona and Drum magazines in the front, and others getting some greasy jerricurl do and Luda-looking cornrows in the back. You should've seen their faces when we walked in! Actually, I would've liked to have seen ours. But we were beyond the point of no return, so we just sat down and waited uncomfortably. I think Herman shat solid rocks. He was all panicky any way about how someone, other than his normal barber back home, would be cutting cutting his hair, let alone a soul brother.

You should see this place, just like Barbershop the movie. Marvin Gaye and Bob Marley jamming, all the dudes singing the soul. They were just missing guys playing checkers in the corner and Cedric the Entertainer eating fried chiggen in the back.

And so I got my hair faded by Francis, the West Indian owner from St Vincent. You should hear these guys talk some pure Caribbean smack. They talk so fast I missed most of it (it's English mixed with Caribbean slang), but you can tell they're whipping out some serious dirt. And they were loving us, couldn't believe we had the balls to go through with the whole deal! Too funny!

I've declined to post pics of my new fro since it's a work in progress - still growing. But patience young one, patience.

Here's Herman in the hot seat. And the poster from which I chose my new hair - a mixture between number 14 and 15. Not bad, eh?

Apologies, cellphone voyeur cam again.